Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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