I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
