Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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