no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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