we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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