She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
