it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
