I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
