It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I deserve this hangover.
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