i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
