Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
