I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
