dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
