I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
