so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
