Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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