make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's like iHOP with fire
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
