Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
