she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
