Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
