I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
