So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
