I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
