Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
