he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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