just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
