TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
