She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
