i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
