Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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