You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
