I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
