Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
