Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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