Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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