dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
