Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
