that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
