I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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