I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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