this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
