omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
