I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
