I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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