You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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