I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
