Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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