I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
