What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
