You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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