1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
