just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
