so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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